THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO CONGRATULATED ME, IT REALLY IS AN HONOR...

ive been so busy with school and everything that im going to apologize beforehand if i dont update anytime soon... schools is kicking my ass raaah now.. as well as work.

its unbelievable how fast october is approaching. there are so many fantastic films that are coming out this fall considering how its almost oscar time. and also, one of my FAVORITE holiday is creeping up on all of us soon. HALLOWEEN of course! i wont go into details but ive decided that im dressing up as one of film history's most iconic villain. and some people will be scratching their heads but for those of you who have watched many ___'s films, you will know exactly what i am. im very excited and of course, i will post photos seeing how its related to film. hope all is well with you guys...

oh oh oh! it is monica belluci's 44th birthday today. she is most famous for (in my point of view) the french film, irreversible. if you got some balls, you should really see this film directed by one of my favorite, gasper noe. and seriously? she has one of THE best bodies i have ever seen of a woman in her mid-forties. she is wholly comfortable with her sexuality as well as her body. one can see that in her role in irreversible. if you google her, there are endless amounts of nude photos of her. i mean hey, if you got it, flaunt it!

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i didnt want to mention anything till the deal actually went through. but, after weeks of being doubtful and negative, i got the most unexpected call ive been waiting for. a month ago or so, i entered this contest to shoot a documentary about the national guard. and turns out i was one of the 15 who got picked from all over the country to fly to iowa and live there for five days...

it was all very surreal.. this is a HUGE stepping stone for me..i mean, actually leaving the west coast AND going to iowa to shoot a documentary!? when i was making phone calls to tell my friends, it felt like i was telling them that i was engaged or something.. hahah strange i know. but thats how big of a step this is.. im disgustingly excited and ecstatic about this upcoming trip on oct. 8 - oct. 13. OH OH OH, thats not all.. the doc is going to be premiered at AFI FEST in november. so, thats very exciting.. i always wanted to volunteer at the festival but never in a million years did i think i would be part of something that would be featured in the event..

alright alright, back to films..

we all know the chuck palahniuk's adapted book, choke, is coming to theatre this friday. but considering how i got a sneak preview of it earlier this year at the la film festival, here's my review.

im just really thankful right now... thats all.

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i just wanted to share this picture. they are so adorable, i really wished they stayed together. frankly, im a bit upset with jonze for dating drew barrymore for a while.. come-freaking-on, drew barrymore? im glad that he moved on from that fling and onto something possibly more serious with michelle williams... as for coppola, she is happily taking care of her daughter, romy with lead singer of uk's phoenix, thomas mars.

but man... what a dream team. i can dream can't i?

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ive said time and time again that if i every make a film of any sort, i will do it with complete honesty and rawness. and every once in a while, ill come across a film with such TRUTH that even watching the trailer, i will start to tear up from the sheer validity of the movie. thats what movies SHOULD do, present an event, real or fake, and inform and enlighten viewers with sincerity. Martin Scorsese's Taxi Driver was a complete fabricated story but it was told with truth. the truth about the mind of a lonely man. and true life events that are formed into films can be somewhat sugarcoated and conformed to the hollywood standards but filmmakers who can take on real events and can tell it without any tricks, i bow down to them.

i guess thats why Gus Van Sant tackled actual events for his death trilogy that told stories of the columbine shootings, kurt cobain's death, and two hikers who were stranded in the middle of nowhere with no water and food, because nothing is scarier than reality. its funny cause people watch movies to escape their own existence but filmmakers like Sant makes them face the truth on a close and personal level. and these three films especially--based on real events or formulated--caught my eye and made them water from the wholly realness and power of people's abilities to overcome impossible forces.

Changeling (Oct. 24) directed by Clint Eastwood

or go here...

Rachel Getting Married (Oct.3) directed by Jonathan Demme

or go here...

Battle in Seattle (Sept.26) directed by Stuart Townsend

or go here...

rachel getting married didnt make my eyes salivate but the other two did. my knees get weak when it comes to films about truth. stories with real emotions. stories about the capacity of the human strength. stories about perseverance. stories about the impossibilities of life.

it has been buzzing for a while that Anne Hathaway was getting an Oscar nod for her role in this film. her role as the recovering rehabee is actually more believable than when she tried to act like a druggie in Havoc. and i really do think that Angelina will possibly get another oscar win for Changeling. and battle in seattle hit close to home for me. i am a wannabe political activist and it was moving to see this true life event on the big screen.

i must admit that it was darren aronofsky's requiem for a dream that made me want to make films. no doubt about it. it was jarring and haunting to see ordinary people transform into ugly things. and no matter how much i didnt want to face it, that's life. that's reality. that's how people are and have always been and always will be. and these films show the possibilities and hope for humanity. and what i really want to focus on is the disintegration of it. and as cynical as that may sound, that is what im most interested and intrigued by. im just being honest. and no matter what i do or say, im going to be just that.

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if i were to recall all the things that happened this week, i guess i can officially say that it was a good and busy week for me. i met a couple of really cool people, worked on some projects, studied a bit, and blah blah blah. and i reeeaaly would like to announce some good news but ill wait and see if the deal goes through. and all in all, minus the anxiety-ridden stress, it was a good week.

and tomorrow! the 12th! burn after reading and righteous kill comes out. and if you like chick flicks, the women comes out. i'm going to try and movie hop them all if i can. and if you plan on going to amc 18, i shall be there starting from 11:45 am. pretty crazy i know...

you can get no better black comedy out there these days..

im trying to remember how fiddy even manage to nab a photo spread with deniro. let alone be in the building as him. yes yes, its the hollywood issue but DAMN, ITS DENIRO!

and now, im thinking is meg ryan making a comeback? after that botox stint, her career just began to decline. the women is a remake of George Cukor's 1939 classic all-gal comedy about betraying wives and backstabbing friends. and everyone. and i mean EVERYONE, every elite hollywood actress that conquered the 90s is in it. the project which got interfered, hindered, and eventually put on hold, finally resolved their bitchings after 14 years in the making. it scares me (& possibly some guys) to think about all these women being in ONE movie. powerhouse names such as julia roberts, meg ryan, sandra bullock, ashley judd, candice bergen, annette bening, marisa tomei, blythe danner (im just beginning to scratch the surface!) are starring in this film. and even though there are all these elite hollywood names, i hope the film will be just as good as the cast.

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red brimmed stones surround me.

mount me.

crush me.

suffocate me.

till im no longer that person

empty shadows stare back

blank faces. hallowed eyes.

what happened? 

what happened?

how did we let this happen?

screaming and crying knowing nothings there.

what was once laughter slowly fades into awkward glances.

the sun quietly sets.

the luminous shine will glow no longer.

the cement hardens.

legs and arms stiffen.

throat tightens.

i reach out.

only to feel the night breeze vacantly leak through my fingers...

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NO COMMENT. JUST WATCH.

or go here...

or go here...

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i do recall watching this preview for beautiful losers some time last year. and i wanted to watch it while i was at the vegas film festival but somehow couldnt make the date. and so, here i am reunited with the film via myspace advertisement that just came out this past friday in los angeles at the landmark nuart. chhhheckk it.

or go here...

im thinking that im just going to work insanely a lot to gather enough money for ONLY new york, a new camera, some clothes, and film related things. i hate the fact that time is money. theres still so many things left to do. i need to get started on my college apps if i want to transfer in time. and i decided that if i really try. i mean really try with like good ol' sweat and tears, ill be able to attend usc or nyu. i just need to have more faith in myself. i need some kind of inspiration. 

beautiful losers presents the do-it-yourself artists of the 90s, who have created art without succumbing to the art establishments. and what i don't understand is how one can follow certain guidelines for art. its art. the options should be limitless. and im thinking i should have a back up major but if this is what i want to do and am willing to live with five other people in a one bedroom apartment just to pursue my dreams then so be it. and im not saying that if these people can do it so can i but, it's certainly a look into the lives of these artists who have sacrificed many things to achieve their dreams.

yeah i need to stop this madness and just do it. my dad's favorite motto in life: just do it. and sometimes life is just better that way...

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