Saturday, December 12, 2009

love letters to no one.

dear no one,

for the past three months, ive been banging my head against the wall hoping it will help me forget every moment, every touch, every smile, every kiss, every breath, and every heartbeat. i couldnt and didnt stop till one day he laid his hand on my shoulder and asked me to stop. he looked down at me with his big brown eyes and with a hammer in hand, did it for me.

the next morning i woke up feeling refreshed, anew, ecstatic! what was i going to do today? what was i to wear? who was i suppose to be? i couldnt decide. all i knew was that i was ignorantly blissful of my stupid and hollow life. after a few months of carrying on a minimalist life. a man unexpectedly came to my door and asked me out on a date. he told me to wear the most extravagant black dressed that i owned because it was going to be a very special date. i didnt know who this man was but i didnt care. i gleefully bought the first black dress i saw and like clockwork at 9 pm, he was at my door.

where were we going to go? what were we going to do? a million possibilities were running marathons in my head. where we arrived to wasnt like any typical dating setting ive been to. this was no restaurant. this was no movie theater. we arrived at a desolate park with hunchbacked trees caressing the grass with its loving arms. the fog was as thick as the muddy ground that tried to keep me. then out of the darkness, i saw a blob of people who like me were wearing black. where were we? why did he take me here? as we walked closer, i noticed a large box in front of everyone. as i peer over the box to see what was in it, i couldnt help but feel a sting of confusion.

it was a girl. she looked about my age. as i analyzed closer, i saw that we shared the same nose and mouth. she had freckles and dimples in the exact places that i had. who was she? why does she look like me? the wrinkles in my forehead ironed straight and my eyes widened. that girl couldnt and cant be me can she? i was here. i felt my rubbery flesh under my callous fingers. im here. im alive. thats not me. but if thats not me, who is she? i turn to see the other mourners. but as i turn someone blurs their faces with watercolors. a wave of fear washed over me. i turn around to look for my date but he's gone. the blotches of people start to circle and close in on me. theres no where to escape! theres too many of them! i scream stop stop stop! but it's useless.

i just look up and gaze at the dark and tainted sky as a swarm of crows fly by.

forever yours,

ignorantly blissful.